The Three Swordsmen


Once the Shogun gave a reception to honor the best swordsmen in Japan. All the top samurai were in attendance along with Court nobles and beautiful geisha. A geisha approached the third highest ranked swordsmen and asked; "Sir, can you demonstrate your sword skills for me?" At once, the samurai drew his sword a cut a hovering fly in half. "Very impressive", said the geisha. When she saw the samurai who was the second highest ranked swordsmen in Japan she asked him the same question. He immediately drew his sword and cut two pesky flys in half. "Most impressive", said the geisha. Then she spotted the samurai that was the highest ranked swordsmen in all of Japan. "Honorable Sir", she said "would you be so kind as to demonstrate your sword skill for me?". The samurai drew his sword and cut into the air in the direction of a nearby fly, but the fly buzzed away. "Oh, so sorry you missed", said the geisha. "But I didn't miss", said the samurai humbly "that fly will have no offspring."
(This story is a classic - origin unknown)

It's Not Heavy

The katana asked the wakizashi, "Isn't that blade you're carrying heavy?"
The wakizashi replied, "He's not heavy, He's my kozuka."
(contributor name withheld - I wouldn't admit to this joke either :-)

The Chicken and the Sword

Q: Why did the sword cross the road?
A: Because it was strapped to a chicken!
(Contributed by Rick "The Nihonto Chicken" Bliss)

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because it was going to a sword show.
(followup by yours truly :-)

Samurai Limerick

There once was a samurai from Kyoto.
The sword he carried was Koto.
My blade it is sharp he was heard to remark,
And the rest of the mounts are by Goto.

Japanese Sword Auction Terminology "True" Meanings

"slight stains on blade" = (the blade is more rust than steel)
"light rust spots" = (the blade is rusted beyond recognition)
"rare" = (it's the only one I have at the moment)
"scabbard slightly dented" = (it looks like a train ran over it)
"some minor pitting" = (you can see light thru the rust holes)
"blade has small nicks in edge" = (you could use it as a saw)
"good sword for martial arts" = (no collector would buy it)
"blade could use a light polish" = (it will only cost $2000 to restore this jewel)
"missing tsuba" = (sold the tsuba for big bucks, but the blade is junk)
"it's a mumei gendaito blade" = (got some ocean front property in Utah if you want it too)
"sword needs some restoration" = (it will cost $5000 and two years work to save this dog)
"sword just came out of the woodwork" = (it's been in the back of my closet for years)
"handle wrap somewhat frayed" = (the handle looks like it went through a shredder)
"selling this sword with no reserve" = (I'll take anything to get rid of this loser)
"blade is unsigned" = (the maker was too embarassed to sign it)
"blade has minor flaws" = (the steel is peeling off in chunks)
"a good study sword" = (blade is damaged beyond repair)
"blade is slightly bent" = (it looks like a cork screw)

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